Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
