Got a toothbrush?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
