I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I had to cum in my sink.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
