he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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