Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
