Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
