Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
