remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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