some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
