Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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