I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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