Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You are a genius and a whore.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
