Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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