We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize