He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Randomize
