best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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