When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
