I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's shark week go big or go home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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