i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
