Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
