I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
