i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
