i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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