Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
