Got a toothbrush?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
