We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
