She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
