There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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