roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
