And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
