your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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