Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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