my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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