yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
