I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
