I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
