I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
