Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
