Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
