oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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