If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
