I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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