I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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