Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
