All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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