I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
