I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
