I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
