its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
