i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
