I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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