My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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