If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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