9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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