I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we're chasing vodka with high fives
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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