i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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