This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
