I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
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Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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